Turtle Buns: The Beginning

The first installment of Turtle Buns!

My new illustrated story: it's fun, it's weird, and a bit rude . . . enjoy!

 The Adventures of Turtle Buns!

Turtle Buns:  The Beginning

In the backyard of Stanley Biggons, the only lonely, redheaded boy in town, was a teeny tiny pond. Because of his freakish red hair and stupid spotty freckles, Stanley had no friends.  He spent most of his time pretending he had friends by the pond. 

No normal pond critters would live in Stanley’s pond; they are lived in normal, non-ginger kid’s ponds.  So even Stanley’s pond was lonely and lame.  Stanley’s pond also had duck weed.  Duckweed is stupid and lame too.

One day Stanley wished to have a friend so hard that he developed an extra freckle.  And then POP!  There was a large BANG and a SPLASH in Stanley’s pond.  The pond splashed stinky water and duckweed in his face.  After Stanley wiped his bizarre, red eyelashes he saw . . . IT.

 It was strange and it was floating in his teeny tiny pond.  It looked like a little turtle small and smooth and green.  It would have looked exactly like the turtles that lived in the other kid’s ponds, except it had a large cinnamon bun sitting where its shell should be and a jet pack coming out of its ass.

The turtle looked up at Stanley and wiggled its cinna bun.  Warm, ooey, gooey, cinna bun fragrance filled the backyard.  It almost made Stanley’s nose freckles happy to exist.  Almost.  No one likes freckles; it’s even worse to be one. 

Stanley backed away from the cute pastry reptile in his pond; it could be dangerous.  Stanley was a firm believer in stranger danger.

“Hey thanks, bud,” it said in a smooth, deep voice like a burly saxophone player.  “It’s been a long trip, I don’t mind if I do . . . “  And then a goofy grin spread across its green face as the creature took a shit in Stanley’s pond.

To be continued . . .